The Hourglass

August 20, 2001

A Publication of the Connecticut Grey Rugby Football Club
Bob Weeaddabaybeeetzsaboy, Editor

A person needs only two things in life: WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.
If it moves and it shouldn't, use the tape.

SUMMER HIATUS

Due to the long strenuous spring season and the inability to contribute to the on-field activities of the club, the Corresponding Secretary decided to take a break and relax for awhile. In short this meant no Newsletter for the past two months. I could apologize but will save that act of concession to some other major flaw that I may experience in the upcoming season. And, after several weekends of serious boozing, the substantial consumption of frozen margs has given me a renewed perspective. With that said, I hold myself harmless for any discomfort that the upcoming issues of The Hourglass may cause to those less fortunate members.

GREY DO WELL IN FRANCONIA

I could give you the play-by-play, blow-by-blow description of the games where the Grey went 1-0-1, a win over Boston and a draw with Portland but, it has already been written on the website. To fill in the blanks, scores in the first game against Boston were: John Kerr – a hat-trick, three tries; Don Brancard – a near hat-trick, two tries; and single scores by Ian Roberts and Trunksie. Conversions are another story and I believe there was only one by someone who I can't remember at this time. In the second game against Portland, the lone score came from Guzzio who bulldozed his way from a few meters out for the score.

FRANCONIA REVISITED

Well, this was an interesting year in the mountains. First off, there were no children – or should I say no children of age. Without the little ones to worry about, the Grey had a really loud and raucous weekend. Actually, it wasn't that loud. The weather was a little cold and the get-together Friday afternoon didn't include cocktails by the pool. The usual picnic was modified somewhat as Chef Seeger displayed fine culinary decision-making and talent in opting for London broil on the grill in lieu of the less appealing burgers and dogs. Needless to say this brought new meaning to the phrase "chewing the fat." Several Grey took part in a little back room wagering with a closest-to-the-pin challenge and a longest 9-iron event. Dean Jorgensen won neither and was subsequently asked to go play croquet with the Rowan kids. For the first time in awhile, it rained on game day. This forced most of the Grey to seek shelter in the Mini-Winnie and Tom Roncaioli, who had consumed a little too many fermented beverages the day before, to hide out in the basement of the Inn (we think). After the games ended the sun came out and found the entire Grey contingent and several guests having a little barbie outside the Mini-Winnie. The cocktail party was uneventful and only half of the champagne was consumed. What is surprising is that the other half was still intact the next morning for the porchside liquid brunch. With the dinner and dancing at a distant location in Littleton, the Grey opted for a nice dinner as a group at the Inn. Yup, a nice quite and cozy dinner for, well, TWENTY-EIGHT! Word of caution: the chairs in the dining room have uneven legs which could be very dangerous after dessert. Another shock was that after dinner Dick was still at the bar which forced us to continue consumption well beyond the time the lights should have been turned out. Sunday was really uneventful and after a few cocktails, the group pretty much saddled up and headed south. On a positive note, we didn't see the police this year.

BLOCK ISLAND EXCURSION

The scheduled game against the Rhody Old Cocks that made the list sometime before the Franconia games was not really publicized all that much and word of the match or who was going was pretty low key. By the Friday before the game we weren't quite sure what the team would look like or who was actually going to be there. Well, I must say, the event and the attendance by the Grey was a real shocker. Not ever being on the Island before, I have to admit that this was a really fun event and an excellent venue well worth getting our butts kicked by a group of pretty good former Providence players that really don't actually qualify as old boys quite yet. The only drawback is that everything on the island is pretty pricey (ask Kerr about the $30 eggs) and the ATM's usually run out of cash before Saturday night. Anyway, the Grey arrived in spurts from Friday evening up to about game time Saturday morning. The island isn't that big but most of the places we had to go to weren't easy walking distance. The field by the airport was pretty decent being the only one on the island and game time was delayed the usual 45 minutes from the scheduled kick-off to line the field and wait for the stragglers. One minor oversight was that neither team arranged for a ref and so the chore was split between one of the Old Cocks, Lou Petruzzello and Mal Davidson. The first period was well played considering that this is pretty much the off-season for the Grey. The Old Cocks scored first and I believe second also to lead 12 - 0. Instituted for this game was the rule that only a front-line player could kick the conversion and it had to be a drop goal. This was agreed to by the Grey but after the first two attempts by the Cocks, it was obvious we were duped. I would guess that these guys actually practice and take pride in being the only team with props capable of booting a 30 yard drop goal. Anyway, they did convert only one of the two attempts and it wasn't looking good for the Grey. Still, the Grey had some life and with some pressure deep in the Cocks end, the Grey were able to play a loose ball that was flopping around near the sideline with Mike Kosila either kicking it over or was fortunate to have the ball bounce forward off his leg into goal where Mike fell on it for the score. Our conversion was not good – even our usual kickers have a hard time converting – but we were back in the game. With seconds left in the first period the Grey won a set and a great up-field break by Grayson Gregory found the Cocks on their heels. Good back support resulted in a flip to Daryl Garrison who bolted over the goal for the try. Now, the conversion was good and at the end of the first the Grey had knotted the score at 12 apiece. Feeling pretty confident, the Grey made substitutions and ventured forth for the second period. Now, I'm not sure whether the Grey became a little over-confident or that the substitutions made were too much at one time or that the last try really pissed the Cocks off but one thing was certain, the Cocks were hell bent on showing us that we didn't belong on the same field as them or the same island (or state even). In the second the Cocks ran up 5 or 6 tries. I believe it was 6 but it could have even been 7, at the rate they were running them over. Yes, this definitely wasn't your usual old boys team and it was very apparent during this period that we were outgunned. With the Cocks firmly in the lead at the end of the second, the Grey made more adjustments and took to the field for the last period. Here the Grey played much better and actually held the Cocks scoreless while at the same time finding Steve Carr for a try. The game soon ended, thankfully, and the final score is still to this day not certain. With the game over, the next item on the agenda was a few cold ones. Problem is that no one thought to bring any to the pitch and the hosts had only planned on drinking at the beach. So, a long line of bodies formed to load into the cabs that appeared infrequently and one at a time to the field for the trip back into town. Sort of reminded one of the troops fleeing Saigon.

The party was held at Scotch Beach and the place was really nice – thank God it was a warm day too. Anyway, suds, surf and sandwiches were the order of the day and when the wind blew you ended up with sandy-wiches. The Cocks presented the Grey with the inaugural match cup that has been obtained by the Cocks for presentation to the winner of this event which means we will have to come back to return the favor. Also, the Cocks presented the Man-of-the-Match award to a Grey, Grayson Gregory, for his fine play. The Grey gave their opposites the usual club pin and John Kerr and Jorgensen gave the opposite captain and president a club mug. Interesting sights included women ducking behind towels in the dunes.

FALL SCHEDULE

Well The Match Secretary has done it again. Another nice plate of juicy games with a lot of real competition. Noticeably absent from this year's slate is Berkshire and not so surprisingly, Boston. And, as predicted, Guz has started filling in the trips to Jersey. I would hedge a guess that by the Fall 2002 season we will be playing, Monmouth, Morris, Union, South Jersey and Belmont.

Once again a training session has been listed and anyone with absolutely nothing to do that Saturday is encouraged to come out and try to run around a bit.

See the Schedule & Results page on the web site for complete fall schedule.

WANDERERS' CELEBRATION

The Hartford Wanderers have scheduled a weekend of festivities in honor of their 35th year of existence. Activities include a golf outing on Friday, August 24th, an evening booze cruise out of Hartford that evening and a few old boys games on Saturday at Colt Park followed by an evening banquet.

For more information check out the Wanderers' web site at www.hartfordwanderers.org/ and to get all the details.

AROUND THE FIELD

Without the benefit of weekend games with the usual rabble of corrupted middle-aged has-beens (yes, this includes Bouvier), the antics and off-field bloopers have been relatively slim. And, the phrase "relatively slim" cannot be said in reference to many of the Grey after seeing them in their beach attire on Block Island. What can be said is that given the right environment, we certainly can make a good time of it. I would say that the weekend in Franconia was one of the better ones of recent memory – which is about the only type of memory I have left. And, the weekend at Bernie's (Block Island) was another one for the photo album. For those of you who missed out on the BI weekend, make sure you mark that date down for next year as I can guarantee you won't be disappointed.

Although the Match Secretary has lined up a nice schedule, I do still question some of his decisions. Like, take for example, the Rhody Old Cocks – better known to many of us as "Ronan's Young Bucks." Now, playing a younger more fit team and getting the snot kicked out of you is much more enjoyable when you are in a nice environment like say, Block Island. Sort of like getting a shot in the arm and the doctor is Pamela Lee Anderson – naked. But, to host them at Wallingford and then get our butts kicked (again) isn't something I am looking forward to. Not that the sites and ambiance of Wallingford are any less appealing than B.I. mind you. Maybe we can switch the Boston game to that weekend?

And, the winner of the best cocktail on the Island definitely goes to the frozen mudslides at Trader Vic's. The only problem is that you certainly do not want to down two or three of these icy treats, then run 10 minutes to catch the ferry. And, that short walk on the beach reminded me of the 2001 Eco-Challenge. Also, I question the time standards of most people I met on B.I. "It's only a 10 minute walk" is about the only time associated with getting anywhere on the Island. Let me tell you – that's the longest 10 minutes you'll find anywhere. Some of us set new land speed records "walking" those 10 minutes while at the same time covering several miles – uphill.

How high can Mike get? Good question. The answer depends on whether you're talking about the para-sailing on the island or the usual Friday night at the mod-pad. Yes, it is true – Mike is a sky pilot now. Mike and family decided to end the weekend with a little para-sailing off the coast of B.I. and our hats off to him, he actually got 600 feet up. Unfortunately, the speed boat limped back to port and required a complete overhaul of the engine. At the same time there were numerous confirmed reports of a solar eclipse on Martha's Vineyard and the trans-Atlantic flights out of Kennedy needed to be re-routed over Canada.

Tom (Little Tommy) Roncaioli missed some of the Franconia weekend due to a little too much indulgence of the fluid-state fun. It's our understanding that his illness and hangover were due to one wine cooler.

The Fin Restaurant on the Island received rave reviews from the members of the New York contingent after a fine meal there that Friday night. I guess in New York a rave review includes complaining profusely about the level of service from the waitstaff. Apparently it took a little too long for the crew to get their drinks and dinner. Now, these are the same group that left New York early that Friday morning and began the cocktail hour say somewhere around pre-noonish. And, that hour stretched well into the late afternoon. So, once it came to be about dinner time I would bet the ranch that the volume on Seeger was probably at record setting decibels. Now, I ask you, why do you think it took them so long for their service? My guess is that the entire waitstaff boarded the ferry back to the mainland when these campers flopped in.

Next time we visit the Island, I am going to have to go on a diet. Not because I was sheepish about a little protruding gut while on the beach. Actually, anyone who stays at either of the Inns will tell you that if your waist size exceeds 32 inches, you ain't going to fit through the bathroom doors. Like who stays at these places, Lilliputians? Twiggy? And, to make it even more fun, all the stairs are warped and always slanted to one side or the other so the trips up or down the stairs after an evening of boozing is like walking through a carnival funhouse. Reminded me of the old days and Angel Dust.

Finally, in the What-a-Pain-in-the-Ass department, we have those yuppie little pseudo-executives who take the late ferry to the island on Friday evening for the weekend. Now most normal people just sling a duffel bag or knapsack over their shoulder for their weekend wear but not these bastards. No, they come equipped with those stupid little over-night cases with the pull bars and little plastic wheels. Nothing, nothing mind you, is more annoying than trying to get off the pier while these little pissants walk ever so slowly dragging those stupid little cases four-abreast in front of you. After a while it's like, "pick the damn thing up you useless little shit – it's only ten f***ing pounds or I'll kick the f***ing thing into next week!!!!!" Needless to say, the clackity-clack of the wheels on the pier is enough to make you want to load up the Winchester and look for high ground. Reds and yellows first (and I don't like Mondays either).

Things I wouldn't have know without going to the movies department #23:

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out each of their predecessors.

And, the number one hit in West Virginia this week is:

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

In closing, it is with some trepidation that the time has probably come when the publication of The Hourglass has been lost in time. With the continued use of the internet and the volumes of information passed back and forth through e-mails it has come to my attention that the publication of The Hourglass is just not timely enough for this fast-paced organization. Summaries of games and weekend events appear readily on the web-page and updates and notices fly quickly from e-mails making The Hourglass a dinosaur who just can't keep pace. Sort of like Trunksie at the Boston Marathon. Anyway, it is with some remorse that I publish this last newsletter under my editorial oversight and I want to thank you for your support and fodder over the past 5 or 6 years (as I said earlier, short term memory is about all I've got).

Happy Trails??