The Hourglass

April 25, 2001

A Publication of the Connecticut Grey Rugby Football Club
Billy Ray Valentine, Editor

Government response to the question, "What do you do with a dead horse?"
"Harness several dead horses together to increase speed."

ALBANY SETS RECORD OVER GREY

It was clear to us that on Saturday, April 7th, the Grey would be traveling to Albany for a game against the always powerful Albany Old Boys – what wasn't clear was which stud-filled lineup the Greys would be up against. What was also clear was that the Grey would be there in numbers – what wasn't clear was that these numbers would not be in sequential order. By the time the game ended, the only thing that was very clear to all was that the Grey had just witnessed the most one-sided shellacking in the club's 21-year history. In the words of Cousin Eddie, "I haven't seen a beat'n like that since they stuck a banana down my pants and let the wild monkey loose." Seriously, there really isn't anything more to say other than the lack of depth and steady players – especially in the backfield – with continuous overloads and missed assignments, Albany was able to run up 12 tries to the Grey's meager one. In all fairness, they just outclassed us in every aspect. As word has it, Albany were real gentlemen about the whole debacle and treated us quite nicely at the end – and thank God things like this do have an ending. Man of the Match was awarded to Bob Casey.

GREY'S IMPERSONATE EASTER EGGS – BEATEN AND WHIPPED BY WHITE PLAINS

On Saturday, April 14th, the Grey had a scheduled match against the Mystic River Old Boys. On Wednesday, April 4th, that game was canceled by M.R. However, thanks to the quick thinking (which is now a point of question) of our Match Secretary, Mike Guzzio, a fill-in was scheduled against White Plains in Stamford. White Plains 'A' side was hosting a team from England and the thought of a quick runaround "friendly" and a few beers watching a decent international sounded like a really ideal weekend. As would have been the script except that this version was authored by Rod Serling and on that Saturday the Grey were guests on the Twilight Zone. Not forgetting the last weekend and the trouncing the Albany Old Boys gave us, the Grey vowed to make a better go of it this game. And, in their defense, the outcome wasn't as bad as the week before, but based on your perspective, it's a relative improvement. With our asses still smarting from the whipping in Albany, the Grey were literally spanked by White Plains. The Grey did have numbers and appeared relatively strong but this was just hopeless optimism once the game began. It didn't take long for White Plains to find the weakness in the Grey line (which was any part of the line – just pick the area you want) and tallied try after try. No need to provide the play by play or shall I say, White Plains try after try, since there is nothing that can be printed that is favorable to the Grey. The only bright spot – if there is such a thing – is that in the third period the Grey were awarded a penalty try to Bob Casey as the W.P. defender didn't try to wrap on the tackle. It was little consolation. Final score: White Plains 59, Grey 7. Man of the Match was awarded to Steve Jones. Following the game captain John Kerr held a brief meeting of the club to voice his displeasure with the on-field antics of the players. Needless to say, that the spark that should have resulted from the lashing of the player attitudes and efforts was short lived as was very evident in the next game.

GREYS STRING OVER LES VIEUX ENDS AT 2 - DETAILS AT 10.

On Saturday, April 21st, the Grey tried to put the recent losses out of their minds and attempt to turn the season around with the game against Les Vieux at the resort island of Randalls, New York. Or, is that "exotic" and not resort? Anyway, with the echoes of Captain Kerr's rallying speech still fresh in our minds, the Grey set out to extend the winning streak against Les Vieux and put a 'W' in the win column. Problem is, no one told Les Vieux to lose and even though it was emphasized by Kerr to "give 110%" some players just weren't listening. Les Vieux tallied the first score with the usual lack of defense on the part of the Grey. Up 7 - 0 the Grey still had some energy (which is a credit considering the continuous barrage of offense over the past several games) and a fortunate mis-handling of the ball by Les Vieux resulted in a score by Tony Johnson. The conversion by Joe Bordieri was good (how many times have we had the opportunity to hear that this year?) and the Grey were square at 7 apiece. But, all good things come to an end and that was just the beginning. Les Vieux scored another long break try and with the conversion went ahead 14 - 7. In the second period it was more of the same – good play by the Grey in the Les Vieux half was only ruined by a long break and score in the other direction. At the end of the second, Les Vieux was up 28 - 7 and it only goes downhill from here. In the fourth, Les Vieux found their niche and the obvious gap in the Grey defense and ran three consecutive times around end for trys and one up the middle for another, only converting on two to run the score up to 52 - 7. With time expiring, the Grey did show a little spark (or was Les Vieux just being nice?) and rucked the ball into the Les Vieux goal with Steve Tenenbaum diving over the final yard for the score. The conversion by Bordieri was good and the final damage was Les Vieux 52, Grey 14. Men of the Match went to Gary Tamburri and Mal Davidson. Needless to say, there was no joy on the sidelines and little enthusiasm to venture into the City for a few cold ones. Most Grey just crept off the field quietly and headed for home.

NEXT SLAUGHTER?

The Grey traveling circus will take a much needed mid-season rest and there will be no game on the weekend of April 28th. All Grey are asked to attend mass that Sunday to atone for their sins, beg forgiveness and say as many Hail Mary's as they can – anything to rid the team of this curse that has fallen on the team this season – a virgin sacrifice is scheduled for Tuesday, May 2nd.

After the break, the Grey will travel to New York (somewhere) to play against the Village King's for the coveted (actually, who cares about the damn bowl – just take the win) sugar bowl. The location is TBA and probably the game time is too. Stay tuned for more info on this game or, better yet, call John Kerr or Jim Facey and let them know you will be there and they will provide the details.

Following the Lion Kings game, the Grey will host (well, pseudo-host) the Beacon Hill Dinosaurs in New Haven for a 2:00 match. Now, just a little info for those of you with poor memory, these guys beat us pretty good last fall and based on the crushing defeats the past few weeks against weaker teams (weaker as in less superior than the Dino's) this could prove to be a real embarrassing game if we don't come strong and play well. The game is part of a rugby weekend where New Haven is hosting a sweet 16 game which might bring out a few more spectators than we are used to. We could look pretty foolish in front of a large (or larger than we're used to) crowd if we continue to dance around the field, evade tackles (while the other team is carrying the ball) and exhibit generally poor field decorum.

Anyway, the season is nearing an end and with only three games remaining before the Franconia bash, we really need to try to turn things around – no let's rephrase that, we MUST turn things around or it's going to be an awfully long summer. If we don't get it together, I'm going to seriously consider just throwing my $100 down on "red" at Foxwoods, watch "On Golden Pond" ten times in a row, play a tape of Tenenbaum screaming continuously "C'mon guys, where's the help?" at full volume, beat myself silly with a rubber hose and just skip the fall season. You get the message?

NATIONAL SPINAL CORD INJURY ASSOCIATION FUNDRAISER

"Tomorrow is Going to be a Better Day." Blue Moose Productions present a music fest featuring Chris Tofield and the Bluesbenders, Stanley Maxwell, The Roasters, and Faultline. The festival is a benefit for the Connecticut Chapter of The National Spinal Cord Injury Association. The Grey will be turning out in force to enjoy an evening of wine and song with our friends from the Connecticut Jammers Quad Rugby Club.

When: Tuesday, May 8, 7:00
Where: Toad's Place, 300 York Street, New Haven
How Much: $15 at the door or $10 in advance (call 203-284-1045 for advance tickets)

BLOCK ISLAND ANYONE????

The Grey have accepted an invitation from the Rhody Old Cocks to play a friendly on Block Island either the 21st or 28th of July. This will be a family event featuring a social match at mid-day followed by a cookout on Scotch Beach. We should know which Saturday we'll be playing by mid-May. (There's a girls soccer tournament on the same pitch. Once we know which Saturday they're playing, the Old Cocks will book the pitch for the other Saturday.) Stay tuned to this site for links to Block Island ferry and hotel information.

AROUND THE FIELD

With the recent spate of ill fortune, there was little comfort in playing any Saturday since teams that we use to hold our own against and even beaten on occasion turned the tides and laid it to us. As our Match Secretary aptly put it after the loss to Les Vieux, "Hey, we're only 0 and 4 on the season." To which a response was made that, "It isn't so much the 0 and 4 that bothers me, it's the 214 - 43 points that's upsetting." It isn't so much losing that's upsetting, it's the laughter on the sidelines as teams run try after try on us. Note to all – eighty-six the red noses and large shoes.

It is getting quite disturbing to most when our lack of tackling has provided our opponents to set new highs in their historic scoring accomplishments. Something must be done to change the opinion that our defense provides little more of an obstruction than speed bumps at the Indy 500. During a recent game one Grey remarked, "I've seen better tackling by inanimate objects."

And in true Grey form, when the going gets tough and the chips are down – Yell at the ref!

Question? What had originally began as a simple joke but quickly turning into a sour cynical remark? Answer: "Let's hear it for the Match Secretary." Which has now been replaced by the more familiar request, "Where the F--k is that Bastard????"

SIX NATIONS UPDATE

Who F----'n Cares!!!!

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

None – obviously, not only can't the Grey play rugby but they also can't write.

And, the number one song in West Virginia this week is, "I Bought A Car From A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run So We're Even."