The Hourglass

April 3, 2001

A Publication of the Connecticut Grey Rugby Football Club
Joe Isuzu, Editor

If you have only one goal in life, you should be the person that your dog thinks you are.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT (?)

Well, not exactly. But, a small assemblage of Grey did actually take part in a run around on Saturday, March 24th in preparation for the season opener the following weekend. Did it help? Well, based on the loud creaking noises coming from the joints of many of the participants I would have to say it's a definite – maybe. The opening lap around the field closely resembled a pack of turtles running full speed through a field of peanut butter – and it didn't get much better. All in all about ten Greys took part in the pre-drinkup exercise which lasted about an hour and a half. One question remains on our minds – where in the hell did Malcolm get that ugly jersey? He sort of looked like a bumble bee on LSD. Never in my life have I ever seen a day-glo yellow and electric blue shirt and really pity the team that actually wears them. I guess it's easier to beat a team who is on the ground laughing hysterically or is blinded by the reflection.

GREYS LOSE SEASON OPENER

The Grey hosted team Berkshire at the PNA field in Wallingford on Saturday, March 31st. It was questionable during the latter part of the week if the game was going to come off as scheduled since there was a considerable amount of rain flooding much of the lower portions of Connecticut. Still, and this seems to amaze many of us, the field was in perfect shape and you couldn't find any evidence of water anywhere on the field! The day was somewhat cold and a little windy but by game time the temperature rose slightly and conditions were excellent. As usual, the Grey were there in numbers and about 25 players were available with several new faces. Berkshire had sufficient numbers which is a mixed blessing – at least we didn't have to supply them with bodies. They also had significantly younger and more fit players to use. In the first period the Grey showed what a full four months of inactivity can do to aging bodies and minds as fundamental mistakes and inability to force the tackles allowed Berkshire to gain significant yardage by just running straight upfield (okay, so they did swerve a little bit too). Although the mistakes were relatively few to start, they had dire results as Berkshire tallied two tries in the span of several minutes to take a 14 - 0 lead through the mid-point of the period. The Grey did have some moments and were close on a couple of occasions but were unable to score until late in the period when a nice backline movement found Steve Carr who was able to squeak into the far corner of the try zone for the score. The conversion was missed and the period ended with Berkshire up 14 - 5. In the second period the Grey had their usual mass substitutions which results in similar problems as the First XV experienced in the opening period. Berkshire again began the scoring with a penalty kick from about 15 meters out from the Grey zone. The Grey countered with good offense – some good runs by a couple of the backs and great forward play resulted in some loose rucks inside the Berkshire 22. One ruck moved ever so closer to the line and eventually found Ed Carr with the score under a pile of Black and White jerseys. The conversion by Johnson was good and the Greys were back in the game but down only 17 - 12. This only pissed Berkshire off as they proved to us that long kicks and long runs are our nemesis and gave a clinic on open field sprints to score another try. The conversion was good. The Greys countered again with continued forward pressure and once again, moved ever closer to the zone with good forward rucks with an all to familiar result – Ed Carr touching down for his second try – again in the corner of the zone. The conversion hit the uprights (okay, so it was below the crossbar too) and the period ended with the Grey still in it but down 24 - 17. In the final period the Grey did an outstanding job of keeping the ball in the Berkshire half but one mistake soon led to a long break by their big wing who took the ball 50 meters in for a score under the posts. The conversion was good and Berkshire was now up 31 - 17. No matter how much offensive power the Grey tried to muster, the efforts always fell just short of scoring and the game ended 31 - 17 Berkshire. All in all, a cleaner game than the previous WWF free-for-all last fall with only one minor punch-up involving "Smokin' Joe Scan." Player of the game was awarded to Steve Jones.

UPCOMING SCHEDULE

The next scheduled game is this Saturday, April 7th at Albany. For those of you who have had the privilege of playing against Albany, I can only say that the game we had against them down here about a year ago is nothing like the game that you will see on their home pitch. Our last away game against Albany was the closest anyone has gotten to triple digit scoring. No, seriously, we will need all the strong able-bodied players we can get for this game and once again, you are required to contact Captain Kerr to let him know of your availability. Kickoff is scheduled for 12:00 noon and directions can be found on the website. A rallying point for the caravan from central Connecticut is exit 38 – Poquonock – Route 75 off I-91 in Windsor.

Easter weekend the Grey will host Mystic River on Saturday, April 14th at Wallingford. Another well-oiled machine and since this is a home game for the Grey, there shouldn't be a need to plead for players. But, you must still call Captain Kerr with your intentions.

GREYS WELCOME NEW PLAYERS

Al Steiger has returned and played brilliantly against Berkshire – glad to see Al back in stride with the Grey. Also, a few other newer members were present at the last game and as usual, we only remember first names. Peter, a friend of Bill Steimphle, Steve, a former Old Black from New Haven, and Evan Jones saw some game time and hopefully will be around for the rest of the season and beyond. We'll get the specifics on you guys soon and add you to the (growing) list for information.

BENEFIT CONCERT SCHEDULED

On Tuesday, May 8, 7:30 at Toad's Place in New Haven, there is going to be a benefit concert for the Connecticut Chapter of the National Spinal Cord Injury Association. Please pass this information around – flyers were distributed on Saturday at The Old Dublin for posting in local establishments or places of work. Directions to Toad's Place will be posted on the website for any and all who plan to attend. We hope to see a large number of Greys to support this very worthy cause.

AROUND THE FIELD

It's that time of year again when the foibles of the on and off-field antics break the surface of the waves and are splashed all over The Hourglass. And, as usual, there are a few small gems from the past couple weeks by the more misfortunate of those losers.

During the Berkshire game and in the process of forming a tunnel for a throw-in, a question was asked by one of our more senior associates and current ref, Jeff Bouvier. Confused as to who was awarded the toss, Jeff inquired, "Who is the thrower inner?" Realizing this doesn't even closely resemble correct English or syntax we have tried to come up with a more correct description for Jeff to use on future requests for the initiators of a line out. How about, "Who is the tosser of the bladder?" or, "Will the placer of the pigskin please raise your hand." And, finally, for our Ebonics supporters, "Who be da ho wid de bawl?"

For those of you who were not aware of the recent election where Mike Guzzio was named Match Secretary, Mike made it very clear to all of us several times during the last weekend. I counted four separate times where Mike requested that we "give a hand to the Match Secretary." I have to second that since a review of the schedule shows that Mike has not lined up any games in New Jersey or Canada. Mike also exhibited his superior intelligence with the absence of Boston from the schedule this year.

For those of you questioning the appearance of Tom Roncaioli and his new hairdo – or lack thereof – we need to inform you that this is a standard requirement of all new members of the Wallingford Chapter of the White Supremacist Nation. Actually, Tom informed us that he was just sitting in his bathroom last week and with nothing much to do, decided to shave his head. I would say that Tom needs to find a hobby or get a pet.

TRUE STORY

Lost at sea in a small boat, 16 people cheated death with a mother's milk. Their throats were so dry that some could only spit blood. They could barely talk. That's when one passenger on the journey from the Dominican Republic to Puerto Rico, Faustina Mercedes – now called "Little Angel of the Sea" – gave a unique gift. She shared the breast milk once reserved for her 1-year-old daughter back home. The eight men and seven women took turns suckling for just seconds a day, the small gulps coating their throats, wetting their dry lips. Finally, the currents pushed them back to shore on the 12th day. Santa Demorizzi, 24, hugged the person next to her to stop shivering at night. On the 11th day, she spotted a shark. Then she spotted what appeared to be land. With a makeshift sail and the currents, they got closer. At dawn on the 12th day, they pulled some wood from the sides of the boat and started rowing. The waves gave them the final push onto the beach – back in the Dominican Republic.

The Analysis:

Another good reason for not traveling on Carnival Lines.
While reading this story I couldn't help but hum an old sea chantey – "just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip?"
I wouldn't be surprised to find that the name of the ship was El Minnow.
It's good to sea that Joe Hazelwood has his Captain's License back.
Heading for Puerto Rico, twelve days at sea only to end up back in the Dominican Republic – I guess these people qualify for navigators in Guzzio's car.
Hey, what did she drink?
These folks are really stupid like this wasn't Cuba and they do have flights to Puerto Rico! Who thought of this?
I can just see it, this big old fat Dominican with three teeth comes up to you and says – "eh, wees aw gonna suck on yur teets!" Imagine the irony of it all, you're sitting there having to watch women suckle another woman's breast and you don't have a beer in your hand.
Although on the surface this appears to be a story of human conquest and the fight for survival, the real sad part is that there are now seven more lesbians in the world!