The Hourglass

December 1, 2000

A Publication of the Connecticut Grey Rugby Football Club
Jack Schitt, Editor

Palm Beach Florida Town Motto: "When it comes to voting, we put the 'Duh' in Florida!"

ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING RESULTS

It was cold. Nothing like drinking ice cold beer on a really cold day. Maybe drinking ice cold beer on a really cold day in the dark! Worst part, Dean actually made up a detailed Agenda – looks like a six-packer for me. Not realizing that the brief write up of last year's AGM would be preserved as "minutes" and distributed at this year's meeting. Based on this one random act of decorum, the events of this past meeting will now be issued in a manner suitable to Mr. Roberts (the one on parliamentary rules, not the part played by Henry Fonda). Meeting was called to order, well, I don't really remember when that was, sometime between the third and fourth beer I think. His Majesty called the meeting to order (again, I think) and there were, at the time, 17 Grey in attendance. The minutes from last year were distributed and, I guess, accepted which led us to the President's Report. This was the usual long-winded listing of thanks to just about everyone and their pets, with a short recap of the success this year holding to the plans laid out at last year's meeting – full seasons with a week off and a good slate of games, etc. (If you want to read the full text of his report, Deano might have obliged us by adding it to the website.) [If you couldn't be bothered to listen to it, what makes you think anyone is going to want to read it? Ed. I mean Dean.] The PM went on to request that we consider taking on off-field efforts to support the club or other organizations and this led to a discussion on Quad Rugby as is played by the Jammers at Gaylord Hospital. Al Steiger is involved as well as Thom Ward-McKinlay and there was mention of some additional Greys getting involved to play against the Jammers and help them out. To be discussed more at upcoming meetings. Anyway, after we had all pretty much fallen asleep, the next topic of the Captain's Report was presented. John thanked all (again) and reflected on the success of the past year, going 7-3-1 in the spring and 4 - 4 in the fall. John also recognized Jeff Bouvier for his support through the year. Sandy then presented his final Treasurer's report that showed we had a little money (due to the lack of games – home games) and that we also had a lot of stuff, like lanyards and hats and things. Anyway, it was motioned that we remain with the $100 per season player fee and this was accepted. Thanks again for a stellar job at handling the money for the past how many years? Decades? The Social Secretary's Report was presented by Bert Romeo and, for some reason, I wasn't writing anything down so this part is a little fuzzy. Anyway, there was a report and it was all good. This was followed by some remarks from the President regarding the volume (weight) of evidence against the Corresponding Secretary and no report was submitted.

The selection – probably a bad choice of words, well, then, how about elections of the 2001 officers took place as dusk fell upon the cold and mostly bleary-eyed crowd. In order to commence to eatin', this went relatively fast.

Captain was won by John Kerr

Vice Captain - Jim Facey

Match Secretary - Mike Guzzio who included as part of his acceptance speech the fact that Seeger, in his long warm-up dress, looked a lot like Helga the mail-order bride and that Guzz was not a satisfied customer!

Treasurer - Lois Jones - now that the precedence had been set last year, more women want to hold office

Social Secretary - Bert Romeo

Corresponding Secretary - Leon Phelps

President - Winston "Winnie" Jorgensen - who demanded that Trunksie nominate him and Chicky second it which opened up a whole new can of worms. Trunksie related a conversation he had with someone questioning Dean's sexual persuasion at which point the other person agreed that Dean was gay allowing Trunksie to nominate "That Faggot." Chicky, following the lead presented by Trunks, seconding the nomination for "That Faggot." Bert asked for a recount.

Lots of repeat performances here so things should run pretty smooth in 2001 with very little in the way of setting up the new cabinets and all.

ANNUAL AWARDS BANQUET

This is being planned and will be sometime in 2001. Usual affair with dolled up dames, drunken dudes, some deserved awards and some WELL DESERVED awards. A gala night of dining drinking and dancing – shoes optional. Special guests this year will be Ike and Tina Turner. More to come.

AROUND THE FIELD

Voting at this year's AGM should be the model format for future elections in the Nation, especially in Florida. A simple "yea" and "nay" was all that was required. In most cases even just one "yea" secured the post for the nominated candidate (the rest had their tongues frozen to the top of their beer cans). No dimple chads, just simple cads. And, when it was all over, there was really nothing remarkably new, except that there is no more Sandy at Treasurer or Rosie at Match Secretary. However, we are still shipwrecked, beached, marooned or whatever you want to call it when you're stranded with Thurston for another year. "Quick, Lovey, make me some drinks!" Are there any absentee ballots still out there?

Now that Mike Guzzio is Match Secretary and knowing all to well Mike's affinity for the sport and over-extended excursions on weekends to numerous games occurring almost simultaneously in a multitude of states, it is strongly recommended that each Grey obtain the following items for the upcoming season: An EZ-Pass for New Jersey, New York and Massachusetts Thruways and Turnpikes, a map (preferably an atlas) of the Northeastern US (include Canada if they have it in stock), a one-year membership in AAA (no John, that's not AA – but, not a bad idea while we're at it), a Loran, star charts, sextant, distress flares, sleeping bags, MRE's for a week, pictures of your family and a really big travel mug.

True story: Recently a man was successful in overcoming the tall retention barriers on the observation deck at the top of the Empire State Building and jumping off the edge. New York Police are not sure if this was an accident or a case of suicide (and they refer to them as "New York's Finest?"). He had to take the extraordinary measure of climbing over two tall barriers in order to get to the edge which to me rules out "accident." But, the best part of this whole thing is that he was dressed up in a pirate costume. What a kook! This wouldn't have happened if he wore his Superman costume. Editor's note: the man was Canadian.

Minnesota Hunting Season Tally (for week-ending 12/02/2000)

1,243 Deer
142 Black Bear
892 Beaver
4,239 Pheasant
14 Men
1 Woman
2 Cows
1 Goat
1 Dodge Minivan

And, finally, Santa's list of gifts for the more unfortunate Grey who during the past year have, through their efforts, actions and comments, exhibited the basic qualifications and attributes required for nomination for next year's Darwin Awards. Thankfully, Santa did not bet on Penn State this year (jerks) or UConn (jerks, squared) and even though the funds were not squandered, the ever-present potential for an Al Gore Presidency has forced him to stuff much of the loot into a mattress for safe-keeping in order to fund the upcoming revolution.

To Trunksie - Swim fins and goggles to go with the rest of the wetsuit. ("he protects and he saves his friends under the waves?")

To Rosie - A new life, a pass to leave Conn. with your current life, and the number for Boston's Match Secretary

To Ian Roberts - our game schedule and locations (just in case he decides to play for us). Try wearing earth-tones and get out of those ANC colors!

To Mike Luongo - a lifetime membership to the Grey (just kidding - how bout a bill for the two game fees that you skipped out on? - just kidding again). OK, how about your name mentioned for a third time in The Hourglass.

To Dan O'Brien - the Man-of-the-Match Awards that you won this year, oops, sorry, Facey "Nature Boy," "Timber Turd Jack," "Log Layer," already used them at one of the recent away games.

To Seeger - A blow-up doll to use as a passenger on those solo flights to CT - what else you do with it is up to you - ask Flynn for suggestions!

To Ronco - the phone number of the Greater Hartford Girl Scout Cookie sales Chairman for 2001.

To Chicky - a lump of coal

To Meg - a tea set - silver of course, and purchased!

To Yanik - more tape, stickum, glue, epoxy or whatever else you need to hold onto the ball. Or, maybe just a baby-shaped ball?

To Paul Pender - a book of American Folk songs by Lou Reed, the dictionary that goes with it and a really hot blond back up singer so we have something to look at during those dreary Irish political songs.

To Dean - (sit down, this could be a long one - and not on my lap either) - a case of Nair, long-sleeved shirts (please wear these in summer too), a pair of gloves (ditto), a tee-shirt (long sleeved of course) with "Caution, Flammable" written on it. And, for the ironic part, the number for the Hair Club for Men - do you realize you're losing some hair? A pair of Spiderman pajamas. Also, a book on golf and a video on golf - in other words, just read about the game and watch others play and stay off the courses. (It will be a dark day for The Hourglass if you leave the club). Finally, three "Get Out of Print Free" passes that you can use anytime in next year's Hourglass.

To Tenenbaum - a prescription for Ritalin and ten free sessions at the Hartford Sensitivity Training Institute

To Joe Scan - A pair of gardening gloves so when he's not playing with us he can hang with Strein - or play with Seeger (then you really do need a pair of gloves).

To Ann Scan - a pair of dancing shoes (or is that shoey dances?)

To Kerr - a personal visit from Bob Vila (then how about a personal visit from Petruzello), OK then how about just a shit load of gift certificates to Home Depot? - they got some nice TOGgle switches! You can TOG them off and on all night. I'm gonna have to name you Mrs. Howell for that one. Also, the remaining words and phrases used by Dean over the past three years that are just as asinine.

To Bouvier - a copy of Al Gore's book, Earth in the Balance, you might actually read this more than the Rules of Rugby and it's about as interesting too!

To Guzzio - his SUV back (less a few pounds) and a promise to receive a heap of shit from the Editor in the upcoming year.

To Steve Carr - a skirt (yes, another skirt, now you have a whole wardrobe of skirts - are you getting the message??? - you skirt)

To Flynn - well, you've got a barn and that's more than most of us could even hope for. Sheep, then? OK, how about some rugby skills or just a little physical prowess?

To Brancard - a three-pack of passes to the Brooklyn Zoo - take the kids (yes, that would be Chicky and Trunksie but this time make sure you take them out of the zoo too)

To Bud - a new checkers board (a.k.a. - stop playing rugby) and one vote for Captain.

To Donna Truncali - a Nanny To Trunksie - make that a 22-year old Swedish Nanny (Now, where will Chicky sleep? - on Swedish pillows?)

To Garrison - for his car, a set of fuzzy dice, naked lady mud flaps, gold chain-looking license plate cover and a complete four-pack of curb feelers - Now, you be stylin' man - just like Leon!

To Ed Carr - a wig (start over again, maybe you'll get it right this time) and a box of dashboard defrost-'n'-serve meals - you'll need these once you see Guzzio's schedule.

On the music front, the number one song in West Virginia this week is, "I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better."

Merry Christmas to all!