The Hourglass

October 24, 2000

A Publication of the Connecticut Grey Rugby Football Club
Ziggy Stardust, Editor

Zen Quote: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

GREYS LOSE BIG IN BERKSHIRE

No one actually believed the first two victories of the season were a fluke. No one actually thought we had two relatively easy games against weaker teams. No one even considered the fact that odds were we couldn't sweep Les Vieux in a given year even if the moons were properly aligned with Mars. And, no one actually thought that we were playing poor enough as to be so outclassed and embarrassed by Berkshire on Saturday, September 7th. Well, regardless of what the actual perceptions are to any of the opinions listed above, the bottom line is we were outclassed in both style of play and sportsmanship by Berkshire. Now I know there isn't anyone of us who could arguably state in all truthfulness that we in fact played very well and we played a Grey type of game. True, we did not. But there may be some of us who would disagree with the statement that we were less than good sports about the whole event. Let me put it into perspective. When we win games we play well and we play our game our way – this was not the case at Berkshire. When we win, we generally keep our mouths shut and focus on the game – another one for the "no" column. And, when we win we are very tolerant and less concerned with apparent violations by the opposition of the decency laws of the game – once again, far from what actually transpired that day. In the end the Grey were decimated 34 - 10. Although the score appears not so one-sided as it sounds, in reality, the Grey just took themselves out of the game and focused on all the wrong aspects of the game that we thought we had matured from. Not quite sure what the actual events were scoring wise – it is my recollection that the Grey were down early in the first period 10 - 0 but crawled back to a 10 - 7 deficit at the end of the first period. A penalty kick by Brancard evened the score early in the second and that's about it for the good news. After the score was knotted at 10, the Grey became very vocal about the refereeing and would rather stop and bitch about a call than follow the play and take part in stopping a try. Eventually as the periods dragged on, Berkshire tallied try after try and were able with very little effort to defend their goal from a potential Grey score. In the final period things just got worse and several of the players got into little skirmishes with mixed results. Regardless of who was actually at fault in each of the minor fights (some with pretty significant results – ask Facey) it is something that the Grey should be above and not be so involved. Losing is one thing, losing with disgrace is another. We lost the game but more importantly, we lost some respect too. Player of the game was awarded to Danny O'Brien. Whiner of the game went to several members of the backfield.

GREYS TRAVEL LIGHT TO MONTREAL – STILL DO THE U.S. PROUD

Well, it actually took place. There was a real, somewhat organized, trip of Grey to Montreal over the Columbus Day weekend – the Canadian Thanksgiving for a game against Montreal. In all there were nine total Grey players that ventured north to the land of Labatts and Donuts. Not much of a rugby side but what is equally distressing is that Montreal was also light on players even though this was supposed to be a well organized event on their part. On Saturday, October 6th while many of us were out playing golf in the states and watching college football games, the valiant Grey took on the Montrealers in a rugby-like game of 12's. The score was quite close at the end of the first half as the Grey came from behind to tie the score – this is based on first hand accounts on what is perceived to be the actual occurrence of events (although when three other Grey were asked as to their remembrance of the day, one had the Grey up at half, the other had the Grey down at half and the last had Bush with a 10% lead). The second half played to the Grey and after all was said and done, the Grey came out on top with a thirty-something to teen-something score. In summary, it was a fun game with a lot of joking and laughing and one that was played in the true spirit of the game. What a difference a week makes! Not much to report on the weekend except for the new Grey member who joined the team for the one inter-nation game. As it was, a friend of Flynn's and Bouvier's made the trip to Montreal for the hell of it only to be sucked into the void on the field. Sans appropriate gear, the fellow played with long pants and a pair of timber boots – just like the old days – or, just like you'd see these days in West Virginia. Word has it he was better at the game after only 5 minutes than Bud Harvey has been after 5 years. The only problem with the rugby variety Haystacks Calhoun was that he tackled his own player – which is only the second time we saw that, Bud Harvey was the first. Player of the game was awarded to Danny O'Brien and the Mackenzie Brothers.

GREYS SCHEDULE BOSTON – BOSTON TAKES DAY TRIP TO ZOO

Match secretary aims gun at foot and fires – hits foot and is amazed – like, duh?

BOSTON CANCELS ON FALL GAME – VOWS TO MAKE A GAME THIS SPRING

Now, the funny part about this is that there really are Greys who actually believe this and have announced their intent on scheduling a match next Spring. These same Greys believe in Santa Clause, that Bill Clinton never lied and that Al Gore will be the next president. My guess is it's the effects brought on by a severe case of syphilis. Don't worry about an antibiotic, get a rope!

GREYS TO PLAY OLD GOLD

This actually wouldn't be a bad idea as Old Gold is a pretty good opponent. But, when you consider the facts that the date this was scheduled for had been listed on the schedule as TBD for almost two months and no game was actually set until the Tuesday before this date and it was agreed to as an away game – one has to seriously question the efforts of the Match Secretary (or is it UConn Women's Rugby Team Coach?). Does anyone have a really tall tree, and a horse?

NEXT GAME – LONG ISLAND?

Oops! In the game of "who do we play and where" we have a new version of this upcoming weekend. Previously scheduled as a dual match against Long Island, the game is now billed as a round robin, three-team weekend including the White Plains Classics. Wow, there are some weekends we can't even get one team to play us, now we get two in one day???? Amazing. Who is the mental genius that comes up with these plans??? Seriously, the games begin with the Grey playing White Plains at 11:00 am followed by White Plains vs. Long Island then the Grey will finish up against Long Island. Field crew needed early to organize the lines and all. Now, let's consider the obvious. We played Long Island at Long Island last year and they had just enough players to field a team. Now, we are expecting them to show up for a round robin tournament. My guess is that we end up playing White Plains and then there is a one-period match where the four or five Long Island guys fill in with White Plains against the Grey. Just a guess but I would hate to read in next month's newsletter that "I told you so." So far I'm 100% on the forecasts this year!

GOLF OUTING RESULTS

The second annual golf outing was held on Friday, October 20th at the Blackledge Golf Course in Hebron. For those of you who were unable to reschedule your calendars to play that day all we can say is "boy did you miss out!" What a gorgeous day it was, temps in the mid to upper 60's, slight breeze, lots of sun and to top it all off, it was FREE. Yep, that's right – no cost. Thanks to Don Brancard who had built the owner's and the golf pro's houses, our check for the day was returned AND an additional cherry was added when we were informed that the beers after the round in the clubhouse were already taken care of, too! Now, what beats that? Anyway, the golf results are as follows: Low Gross - Tony Johnson 83, Low Net - John Kerr 71, 2nd Low Net - Ed Carr 74, High Gross - Dean Jorgensen 128. Also ending up with reasonable prizes were Daryl Garrison and Don Brancard. All other participants received a brown paper bag "bum bag" containing various types of rot-gut booze. After careful review of the awards given, it has been decided that the Annual Grey Golf Outing will from this day forward be called the "Brown Bag Open." And, the day was not without incident as Ed "Boom Boom" Carr caused a near fatal injury to one Daryl Garrison after his sonic blast of a five wood from the fairway caught Daryl square on the right tit from within 25 yards. His response – nothing. The ball just bounced off and I don't think Daryl even flinched. "That's OK," he said, "It hit me in the pecs!" Afterward we were provided the rare shot of Daryl's third nipple.

AROUND THE FIELD

When asked to describe the fall season to date there are several things that come to mind. Because of the numerous openings and weekends without matches, this year can be been referred to as the "Swiss Cheese Season" (or Limburger Cheese Season since it reeks) or you could call it "the complete dental system of an entire West Virginia Holler Season" (no offense to Mike Fotos). In short, I have only two questions to the people who are involved in the scheduling decisions of this season: "Cigarette? " and "Blindfold?"

Following the golf outing the crew trekked over to the Perro Loco in East Hampton for appetizers and margaritas (like we needed a good topping of hot stuff and tequila over a day-long beer base). After a couple of hours of consumption the Owner/Waiter of Greek descent presented the bill. When it was all settled the charges were agreed upon and announced as $22.00. Now it was at this point when Ed Robinson became very loud in his objection to the table being charged such a paltry sum. "It can't be just $22.00, why these pitchers of margaritas alone are $20.00 each and we've had at least six, you have to charge us more than $22.00." A look of shock and disbelief fell over the face of the Owner. Imagine, someone yelling at you for not charging enough???? This was all quickly resolved when it was brought to Ed's attention that the $22.00 charge was "apiece," and there were eight of us at the table. Several observations: I guess when you get things for free all day, you might as well complain about something; Tequila and an Irishman don't mix; and where else but in that culinary capital of Connecticut, East Hampton, will you find a Greek/Mexican restaurant? Ed has been asked not to come back.

On the international front, it never ceases to amaze me about what is going on in the mideast. After weeks of watching the same thing – Palestinians fighting Israelis and vice-versa – I am still trying to figure out why these guys are fighting over what amounts to nothing more than a pile of rocks. I mean look at the land they're fighting over. I don't think I've seen a single tree in the whole two weeks it's been televised let alone a patch of grass. I could understand if there were parks or golf courses or something of value, but rocks??? And, those holy shrines, I've seen better attempts at divine structures built by mentally unstable Adobe Indians after extended visits to the inner realms of space on serious peyote benders! Tearing them down is adding to the beauty of the land (right – making more piles of little rocks). One other observation that I can't quite figure out is with all those Palestinians tossing stones for all those years, I wonder why they've never had an Olympic shot-put or javelin contender?

Real Patents: Toilet Landing Lights US Patent 5,263,209 / Issued 1993. At best, staggering to the loo in the dead of night can be tiresome. At worst, it can prove deadly. Do you turn on the light, blinding yourself, so losing your night vision for the return journey to bed – risking a head-long hurl up the stairs? Or do you poke around in complete darkness, risking fatal injury? What of the hideous experiences of stand-up urinating onto a closed bog lid, or sitting on an unforgiving ice-cold porcelain rim? and all men know taking aim in the dark is a game of chance. Enter the extraordinary Toilet Landing Lights, which guarantee even the sleepiest buttocks incident-free "toilet touchdowns" every time! Wee-proof indirect lighting is placed under the rim of the toilet adding a beautiful, almost mystical, glow to your throne.