CONNECTICUT GREY
RUGBY FOOTBALL CLUB

~ est. 1979 ~

Mountain Mist Outdoor Center
Meriden, Connecticut

The Hourglass

May 28, 2000

A Publication of the Connecticut Grey Rugby Football Club
Dash Riprock, Editor

"Indecision is the situation where you are faced with ten idiots
and only have a nine-round clip."

COLD, RAIN, MISERY, PAIN (PART I)

On Saturday, May 13th, the Grey traveled to Framingham, Mass., for a game against the ever-strong Dinosaurs. This had been touted from the beginning of the season as the game we should really focus on as the one to win. Unfortunately, the week prior to the game had many players on the fence and several on the mend. The ability to field 15 was always in question right up to game time. The rule enacted this year was if we can't field a team – especially a very strong team and an away game at that – then the game is to be canceled. However, there was much criticism of such decision against the Dinos since they came to Connecticut and we needed to reciprocate. Those responsible for that final decision have been removed from my will and I have since learned a few new incantations of evil effects to bestow upon you. With the promise of a few Mystics to round out our roster, the Grey traveled (though somewhat lightly) to Mass. The facility was perfect – nice wide field with plenty of thick soft grass. If it weren't for the fact that it was really cold and raining off and on, it would have been a great day to "watch" a few games. By game time we found that we had just enough with a couple of spares (two Mystics and Bill Good from Boston). The Dinos had plenty and most were quite large and looked quite fit (and young in some places). Anyway, the Grey began the game with a little remorse and the vow to make a game out of it – I guess you could either call that game "tag" or "catch the Dino" but it didn't resemble rugby. Surprisingly, the Grey were doing very well and spent the first third of the period camped out in the Dinos' half of the field – that is until the curtain came down. The first curtain call came for Joe Bordieri, playing standoff, who went down with a twisted knee and had to leave the field. Minutes later John Kerr also went down with a badly sprained ankle. This left us with a full side – no substitutions – and a full half and a half-a-half to go. With the curtain calls for Joe and John, the standing ovations began and continued as the Dinos racked up five (yes FIVE) tries in the remaining 15 minutes of the first half. Of course not all of these were well deserved tries, some were the result of really poor tackling and just plain stupidity on the part of certain players (who will remain nameless and, if I had my way, gameless too). Imagine the enthusiasm at the break to go out and run shadow for another thirty minutes! Well, thanks to the stamina of those who made the trip and the desire to fulfill the promises of certain administrators that we play a full schedule (who themselves don't play the full schedule) the Grey honored their commitment to the Dinos and took the field for the second half (sort of like lambs to the slaughter – but unlike the lambs, we knew we were going to be slaughtered). I don't recall a really rousing speech at the half and I can't be sure what was actually said but for some reason the Grey came out in the second with a little more fire than one would expect after the first half ended. That or with a five-try-to-zero lead, the Dinos may have felt a little sympathy and let up a little to show that they are a compassionate team. With most of the opening minutes of the second half played within the Grey 22 meter line, the Grey were able to put up good defense and prevent numerous attempts by the Dinos to put one down. This continued for most of the half as the Grey just couldn't get anything together offensively to threaten the Dinos' try zone. Remarkable coverage and tackling were presented by Steve Tenenbaum who moved out to outside center and Bill Good who filled in at fullback, otherwise the Dinos could have easily touched over several more tries. With few minutes remaining the Grey were able to stop a run and steal the ball that resulted in Dave Yanik running twenty meters for the score. This was followed by a missed conversion and two more Dino scores. I have never been so happy to hear the final whistle blow in quite some time. Following the game the Grey quickly changed and headed to a local bar (far away from anyone who could have recognized us as being the rugby team that just played). Man-of-the-Match was awarded to Dave Yanik for good tackling and scoring the only try. But, I really think the award should go to the person who committed us to this game in the first place – he can shove it up his ass!!!!!

COLD, RAIN, MISERY, PAIN (PART II)

Now one would think that coming off a really bad loss after a really close loss and after a long winning streak, we would be able to get a bevy of Grey to commit to our final dual game of the season to paste another in the win column – right? Well, that really isn't the case and although it's a nice scenario, it just wasn't going to happen this year. Gee, do you think we play too many games???? With injuries to several of the core team, there were only enough bodies to field a full side and maybe one substitute as the Grey took on the Long Island Lobsters on Saturday, May 20th. Once again it was cold and raining. And, once again we added the pain and misery. Take the game against the Dinos, remove the good play shown by the Grey in the first 10 minutes of the opening half and allow numerous tries with weak, ineffective tackling (if you can even call having someone push you over onto your back as a tackle) and poor decisions, and you have essentially described the first half of the Lobsters game. Although instead of five tries, the Lobsters were only able to score three. Can't really remember anything good about the first half and I guess the same holds true for the second half. The Grey were pretty even in the forwards and won several line-outs and sets against the Lobbers but the backs were a different story. And, if it weren't for the poor weather and the inability to handle the ball well, they could have scored several more. The only real bright spots were that the Grey held the opponents scoreless through most of the half and even scored one as Tony Johnson drove one over from in close, which only pissed the Lobsters off and they had to counter with another try of their own. Final score Lobsters 22, Grey 5. Man-of-the-Match was given to Tony Johnson. This time we did travel to their bar since the rain was taking its toll and after a few Guinnesses, the loss was quickly forgotten and thank God the season is almost over.

FRANCONIA WEEKEND NEXT

The annual trek to Franconia, New Hampshire, takes place this weekend, June 2nd through the 4th. It is essential that you let John Kerr know if you are planning on attending the games to play. The usual list of events is the Friday afternoon Field Markers ForeBall hosted by Bill Good, the Friday night cookout for the Grey that hasn't been decided what the situation is with this yet as there was some talk that the hotel does not like us to cook out for the entire club and that they want to do this and charge us. (Sounds fair considering the fact that they charge us $20 a bottle for $7 a bottle champagne – that makes the hot dogs $3 apiece). This is followed by the pairings of teams at the little bar down the road whose name escapes me but since it really isn't a big town and there is only one bar, you really can't miss it. Saturday is game day which is followed by the champagne happy hours and then dinner which this year is not at the Mittersill but at the Sunset Hill place which wasn't all that good last time. Dinner is followed by dancing and that requires no further information although Patty Brancard has been asked not to start any conga lines. Sunday is mimosas on the porch and then the trip home via the Lost River Canyons for more drinking and snacks. There is probably a game fee or event fee per person to cover all the expenses and this information will be available as the date draws closer. But please, if you are going to play, let Kerr know since there are other "friends of the Grey" who have shown an interest in playing for us and we'd love to have some of these people on our team otherwise they will play against us. See you next weekend!

A CONVENIENCE STORE(Y)

Now what can be more convenient than a convenience store right next to the Long Island drink-up? Answer: A drive-through convenience store! What a find – we don't even have to get out of the car to get beer! Well, you do if you buy beer which sort of defeats the purpose of a drive through. Anyway not one to miss out on the ability to use this new found convenience, Ed Carr and his cargo of orphans just had to go through the line not once but twice. Once on the passenger side for the necessary road sodas and a second time on the driver's side for, well, garlic bread? Yup, the kind you have to heat. "I just couldn't think of anything to buy and I saw the bread stacked there in the foil pouch. I just had to have it." Now this is where it gets interesting. How is one going to eat "heat-'n'-serve" garlic bread when you're in a car? Answer, the dashboard defroster oven. I have to admit, I was very skeptical at first but after thirty minutes and a few gallons of sweat, there it was, hot and juicy garlic bread – the kind mom used to make (in an oven).

AROUND THE FIELD

It was said by a famous West Point graduate upon retiring that "old soldiers never die, they just fade away." To which we must add after several years of analyzing a former Annapolis graduate that "old sailors never die, their habits just become more annoying." Case in point, shoe trees for his rugby boots!

In the "two words of advice" section we have three items to note. To Tom Roncaioli – "Second Row", For Chris Rose – "Shorter Seasons" and for Bud Harvey – "Women's Softball."

In the music industry there is a category called "One Hit Wonders" where a certain band is noted for having only one hit song. Beginning with this season we are adding a new category of recognition to several of our own members, these being the "One Game Wonders" to those players who we see once a season and then nothing for the rest of the year. This season's one-gamers are: Bobby Nieman and Dan O'Brien. Word has it that Bob is still required to chauffeur youth hockey players around New England and Danny has been on the lecture circuit discussing the benefits of penile implants. Hope to see you both again in 2001!

We have also found proof that identical twins sometimes are capable of feeling each other's pain even though only one is actually injured. Case in point, Don Brancard is injured and Chick and Trunksie can't play the entire time Donny is injured.

Las Vegas has revised the odds and have now listed winning the $300 million powerball at better odds than the Grey converting after a try.

CIGARS AND INSURANCE

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued .... and won. In delivering the ruling, the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.