CONNECTICUT
GREY
RUGBY FOOTBALL CLUB
~ est. 1979 ~
Mountain Mist Outdoor Center
Meriden, Connecticut
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~ est. 1979 ~
Mountain Mist Outdoor Center
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The Hourglass December 20, 1999 A Publication of the Connecticut Grey Rugby Football Club The irony of reincarnation: "Life's a bitch, then you die, then life's a bitch?" 1999 ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING Unlike previous years' AGMs, the 1999 meeting of the Grey was one for the books – as were many of the other endeavors of the year. Instead of the usual mundane tirades from the semi-literate and pseudo-drunk members that takes place in the roach infested (or should be) bowels of Kenny G's, the meeting this year was definitely a step closer to the Champagne and caviar tastes that many of us believe we have. This year's event was a colloquium of mundane tirades from the same semi-literate and mostly drunk members at the antiquated home of Jeff and Linda Bouvier. What a lovely home near the Sound, with a beautiful view of, well, the house across the street but behind the house is, well, a view of the Sound at low tide that is, well, quite ugly. But it's by the water and location is the main reason why people live where they do. And if you live in such a home in a similar location, I would suggest you take out hurricane insurance – and buy a lot of mosquito repellent or donate large sums of money to the institution working on the cure for West Nile fever. There were other changes to this year's meeting that make it uniquely different than AGMs past, that being the addition of the family members and friends which, as you will see, led to some rather interesting results at election time. Anyway, the house was a nice change from the usual tavern room and the addition of the appetizer smorgasbord made this more of a holiday party than an AGM. And, when we decide to have a party, we really don't want to get down to business; which is probably why it took so long to hold the meeting. After a few beers and a few pounds of food, the meeting began with about 16 Grey in attendance – slightly higher than the usual number for this event. The first order of business focused on the issue of our opposition, or lack thereof. One of the major problems this year was the constant supplification of the opposing numbers to effect a game. This became quite unnerving after several games where the Grey provided significant numbers to the other side and ended up losing the games; that and the fact the we would travel in strength and have members play the entire game for the opponents or play only one period. It was decided that in 2000 we would require a guarantee that the other team will have at least 14 players by the Thursday before the match, otherwise we will cancel the game. The next issue was on dues for the next year. According to the honorable and financially encumbered treasurer, Sandy Woodard, we are in slim straits with the cash at this time. It was, therefore, decided that dues for the next season and beyond will be $100 per playing member and a social dues of $35 per year. This was voted on and accepted. The next order of business was the question of the 25th year Anniversary (already?) and the idea was floated on a team trip to some remote area to play rugby and maybe take in some sights, the Islands being an ideal location. Anyway, there was no set locations selected but the club would like to know if there is an interest in participating in some foray to a distant land for a trip. More to follow on this. Finally, the last order of business was the voting for the 2000 Executive Committee. The exact order of positions is a little fuzzy at this stage but the elected persons are as follows:
Congratulations given to all on the new committee (the millennium group). After elections the club adjourned to the library and, surrounded by a fine collection of Hemmingway novels, commenced to downing "coon-doggies" and degenerate to babbling fools. On a good note, Kenny G's is no more. Yes, according to the obituary, the place has been sold and the new owner (Paul "something Irish") has renamed the place "The Old Dublin" – how original – and according to eyewitness reports, has cleaned the place up nicely, even the beer lines, and wants to continue with our patronage after games. Who knows where this might lead? Anyway, we will plan on continuing our parties at The Old Dublin for the next season. FIRST NEW ORGANIZATIONAL MEETING The first meeting of the new regime under the tutelage of Dean "Lord Fauntleroy" Jorgensen took place on Wednesday, December 15th, at The Old Dublin sans scones and tea. From a first-hand report, the place is looking pretty good and Paul has done a great job cleaning the place out and fixing it up. He also wants us to continue coming (a poor choice of words) and having our parties (which we already decided we were going to do) and wants a framed team jersey to hang in the bar. No problem, we will do that. Anyway some of the highlights of the meeting were to set the Annual Awards Banquet and discuss plans for next year's schedule. There was a long discussion about the teams to schedule for next season and Dean mentioned a discussion he had with a rep from the NERFU Division III and his (the D-3 guy's) desire to see if we wanted to join as a team. The benefits are scheduled games in the fall as a league and the potential for a national D-3 playoff. Sounded good but it is too structured for us and many of these teams are much younger (grad schools) and the thought of scheduling six games where we get our butts kicked isn't that appealing. We will, however, use the list of teams to schedule non-league, non D-3 matches from the teams that are in D-3. More to come on the Spring Schedule later as this gets completed. We have agreed to set up a scrimmage against Yale in the early part of the season since Thom Ward-McKinlay is coaching this club and we could provide some nice tips to the youngsters while at the same time having a much more organized practice session. Who knows, maybe we can get the opportunity to sack a future First Lady!!! Details to follow. It was the consensus of the committee that the journey to Baltimore this spring is out!!!! We will officially inform the Chesapeake reps that we will not be down next spring. Instead we are going to ask Toronto if they would like to come down for a couple of days and play in a round-robin mini-fest and then party – developing. Also discussed was a homecoming weekend in the fall much like a watered-down version of the 20th Anniversary fest without the big evening party (but definitely with the golf outing). We are currently out of lapel pins and more are on order with the maroon background – the old ones with the blue background are now collectors' items. The location for games was also addressed and the consensus is that we will continue to use the PNA field and we will look into what we can do as a club to also frequent the PNA club if this puts us in good standing with those guys, like supplying framed pictures of Robert DeNiro and Christopher Walken for the hall. Finally we decide to look into the Waverley Tavern for this year's Award's Banquet. CALL FOR PICS We are trying to find some nice team pictures to use for hanging at The Old Dublin – yes, based on the identification of Greys from these pictures, we will hang certain individuals. Actually, we are somewhat surprised that after all those times we stood and posed after games, there are very few team pictures floating around. If you have a nice picture please contact Tony Johnson and copies will be made for a larger rendition for the pub. The availability of negatives is a real plus in this effort. Please look through your old photos and contact Tony. C'ÉST LA VIE, MONTRÉAL There is a general interest in venturing to Montreal in the early fall for a game against, well, whomever just so long as they are near Montreal. The question is, is this an interest shared by the rest of the Grey? Therefore, we would like for you to reply to this letter by sending an e-mail back to Tony Johnson with your decision on "YES, I would like to go to Montreal (send me the brochures)," or "NO, I am an introverted abuser of small rodents and I do not want to go to Montreal." Your responses will be kept completely confidential unless of course you DO abuse small rodents. The date is up in the air but the best weekend so far is the Columbus Day weekend since this is also the Canadian Thanksgiving (just think about it – Tuborgs, jelly donuts and bacon) and usually a three-day weekend for us Americans. In case you're wondering, the Pilgrims did in fact land in Canada first in October but found the natives arrogant and overly boorish and set sail south for Massachusetts. ANNUAL AWARDS BANQUET The date has been set for this year's AAB at the Waverley Tavern in Cheshire. This year's event will be held on Saturday, February 12, 2000. You will be sent the official invitation (along with the cost) and awards voting ballot in January. Stay tuned. AROUND THE FIELD Well, the holidays are upon us once again and it's time for the usual Christmas gift list from the one and only. Sorry folks but this year was a little rough and Santa lost a bundle on the Penn State games so the list is less than other years. The gifts are as follows: To John Kerr – The selection lists from this past year and the bag full of shit that Eddie got with them. To Ed and Steve Carr – The lyrics to the alphabet song in case you need them in Savannah. To Tom Roncaioli – The recall notice for his blow-up doll. To Ian Roberts – Another pair of hands – the ones I gave you last year were obviously defective. To Seeger – A video of him being penalized for going over the top – it's a classic rerun since the backs have already seen this a couple of hundred times. To Tom Flynn – The list of the award winners from 1998 in case you get the urge to have the awards engraved. To Guzzio – A DC adapter for his stereo equipment – sorry but it is a little annoying when the batteries run down and the songs are played in 1/4 time. To Bob Casey – Jenny Craig's phone number. To Perfesser Bouvier – A copy of Hemmingway's "The Old Man and the Sea" but this one has a different ending. The Old Man gets picked up by a boatload of deported gay Haitians and becomes quite good as "Poke-me-mom," the ready and willing cabin boy. To Bob Ferullo – A refund on the purchase of his Grey jersey since he's only worn it once. To Dean Jorgensen – A golf tip: DON'T EVER PLAY THIS AGAIN! To Don Brancard – A case of Ben Gay that he will need for his sore back after bending over so often to pick up the worm-burners tossed by Kerr. To Joe Scan – A revocation of his passport so he can play more often with the Grey To Joe Bordieri – His height and weight in English units – that's 452 centimeters, two stone and four pebbles – makes him feel bigger. LIFESTYLES OF THE DUMB AND STUPID Salt Lake City – "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas farther up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Top Ten Scariest Things About This Story: 10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum?" I wouldn't consider doing this to people I hate! 9. "So I peered into the tube?" I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun! Besides, what did he really expect to see, the gerbil smiling??? 8. That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem) being shot out of the guy's anus like Rocky the Squirrel. And, there is no mention on the gerbil's condition. 7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love." 6. These guys are Mormons? 5. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving pyromaniac sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying, "Well doc, it's like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..." 4. "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy poop after something like this? And, the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God's green earth. 3. People named "Kiki," which is obviously a Polynesian word for "Idiotic white man who inserts rodents up the butt." 2. I guess no quintuplets or mass suicides that day – why else would a hospital hold a press conference on this??? 1. Never underestimate the true value of waxed dental floss.
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